When It's All Too Much: A Letter to College Women Carrying Everything
The term has barely started, and you are already tired.
Not the kind of tired a nap fixes. The kind that lives behind your eyes. The kind that shows up at 2 a.m. with a list of everything you have not done yet.
Maybe you are a first-year at Northwestern, walking past the lakefill and wondering why everyone else seems to know what they are doing. Maybe you are at Oakton, taking night classes after a full shift, with a family counting on you at home. Different lives. The same weight.
This is for you.
The pressure nobody sees
College women carry a particular kind of load. You are supposed to be brilliant in the seminar and easygoing at the party. Driven, but not intense. Independent, but always available when someone back home needs you.
For many of you, especially first-generation students and women of color, there is another layer. You are not only doing this for yourself. You are doing it for a mother who never got the chance. For a family that sacrificed so you could be here. That love is real. So is the pressure that comes with it.
So you keep going. You say yes. You answer the text. You pull the all-nighter. You tell everyone you are fine.
What stress and anxiety can look like
Anxiety does not always look like panic. Sometimes it looks like a very productive person who cannot stop.
It can look like rereading the same paragraph five times. Skipping meals because there was no time. A stomach that hurts every Sunday night. Checking your grades over and over. Snapping at your roommate and then feeling terrible about it.
It can also look like shutting down. Missing the class you were most worried about. Leaving the email unopened. Pulling away from friends because you do not have the energy to pretend.
None of this means you are failing. It means you are carrying too much for too long without enough support.
A few things that actually help
You do not need a whole new life. You need a little room to breathe inside the one you have.
Start by naming what is yours. Not every expectation you hear belongs to you. Some came from a parent, a professor, a culture, a feed. Ask yourself, is this my goal, or someone else's voice in my head?
Protect one small thing each day. A walk to Lighthouse Beach. A quiet hour with your phone in another room. A real meal with someone you like. Small things done often matter more than big fixes done once.
Say the true thing to one person. Anxiety grows in silence. Telling a friend, a sibling, or a counselor "I am not okay right now" is not weakness. It is the first step back to yourself.
And let good enough be good enough. A B on a problem set is not a verdict on your worth.
You do not have to do this alone
This fall, Find Your Voice Counseling & Consultation PLLC is launching a support group for college women navigating stress and anxiety. The group is led by Alyssa Wilson, LCSW, and meets Thursday evenings at 7 p.m.
It is a space to exhale. To hear from other women who get it. To learn practical tools for the pressure, and to remember that you are more than your to-do list.
We work with college students of every kind, from first-years in the dorms to women working full-time by day and taking classes at night. We also offer individual therapy, in person at our offices in Evanston and Skokie, and virtually anywhere in Illinois.
If any of this sounds like you, reach out. We would love to save you a seat.
Because you came to college to grow. Not to disappear.
Find Your Voice Counseling & Consultation PLLC offers individual, couples, family, child, and teen therapy, plus support groups, in Evanston (820 Davis St, Suite 455) and Skokie (5225 Old Orchard Rd, Suite 2), and virtually across Illinois. In-network with BCBS PPO, Aetna PPO, Cigna/Evernorth, and United PPO, with self-pay and sliding-scale options. Call (847) 232-6353 or email intake@findyourvoicecc.com to start a conversation.
Written by Tyler Jasper, M.A., LCPC
